Let’s get right to the meat and potatoes of this blog installment. That would be a Filet Mignon and a fully loaded baked Idaho spud, too. Maybe some grilled asparagus on the side, with Bearnaise sauce. Lots of good top-of-the-line material for this one, starting with my adventures on the artificial-turf field at US Bank Stadium in downtown Minneapolis. What a deal that was. So, let’s get right to it!
It was a night game, versus the 49ers, on Sunday so Dave and I planned to leave his house at around 4:00, prior to the 7:10 kickoff. My buddy Mike Hohler, who is the executive producer of the Niners radio broadcasts on KNBR, urged us to arrive as early as we wanted, to have some fun and stroll around before the game began. He also wanted us there no later than 6:00, so we could head up to the broadcast booth and learn the “rules of engagement” from his engineer.
It was raining a bit when we left Woodbury, but it’s an indoor stadium so we weren’t too worried about that. Our first stop was the Radisson Blu hotel in downtown, where the 49ers had spent the night on Saturday after flying in from the Bay Area. That’s typically how NFL teams do it. They fly in the day before, have some meetings, get a good night’s sleep, and then fly back home immediately after the game. They do that, of course, on a chartered aircraft. At the Radisson, Dave pulled under the portico and I dashed inside to the front desk, where Mike had left a packet for us. In it were our two field credentials, a map, and a parking pass. On a sunny afternoon, the five block walk from the parking structure where we were to park would’ve been a pleasure. Unfortunately, it was coming down steadily and a heavily by that time. Good thing for us we each brought an umbrella.
Even with the umbrellas we were still getting a little wet, but we wanted to get inside and get the party started so we kept trudging. Then, about two blocks from the massive stadium, while the rain was still coming down hard, a car came toward us and drove right through a deep and large puddle next to the curb. You can probably guess how that ended. Yep, we were right in the line of fire and totally drenched from the waist down, although I was on the curb side and blocked a bit of it from hitting Dave. My right pant leg was completely soaked, from belt to shoe. As you might imagine, I was none too pleased by said driver in said car. If it was an accident he never saw coming, that’s one thing. But to be completely unaware is a stretch.
We knew generally where the Media entrance was, at the southeast corner of the stadium, but Mike had texted me with a warning. He wrote, “It’s not easy to find the booth. You have to search around to find the only elevator that goes to floors 3 and 4, where all the booths and the press box are.”
He was right. We wandered around like lost puppies for a bit, before a Vikings employee spotted us and asked if we needed help. Even she wasn’t sure where the magic elevator was, but we did eventually find it. After that, everything was pretty easy.
It was around 5:00 by then, but Mike, his engineer, and the two on-air guys (Ted Robinson and Tim Ryan), were all set up and ready to go. That gave us some time to do the important stuff. The engineer walked us through where we could go, where we should go, what we shouldn’t do, and what we should. He showed us our dish microphones (also known as parabolic mics) and walked us through what he wanted.
The keys were: When the team breaks the huddle, have the dish right in front of your face. It’s clear plastic, so you look through it and always keep it pointed toward the action. The dishes had straps, to put around our necks, so our arms could get a break between plays or during time outs.
All around every NFL field there is a line of yellow dashes, about a yard or two from the sideline. At the 30s’ it expands to go around behind the team bench areas, which are pretty huge and pretty deep. We had to stand behind those yellow marks, and because of the benches we could only work inside the 30s.
That meant, we’d aim our dishes at the plays from the goal line to the 30. Then, if the play went beyond the 30, we’d stay put until the team with the ball crossed midfield. Once that happened, we’d have to dash around behind the team benches to get on the other side of the 50.
The other key piece of advice we got was this: If the play was coming right at you, don’t try to back up. NFL players are big, but they are also very fast. You can’t back up quickly enough to get away from them. So, we were told to judge the oncoming play and avoid the players by moving laterally, left or right. I was getting more nervous by the minute.
After that, we did the single most important item on our to-do list. Mike had brought his copy of “Bats, Balls, & Burnouts” with him, and it was sitting right in the middle of his desk on the upper level of the booth. It was my job to sign it with a message, and I was happy to do that. He then said, “Leave the dishes up here. Go downstairs and get a feel for everything, watch some warm-ups, and have some fun. Just be back up here by 6:30 or so. You’ll want to be in position by 6:45.”
At that point, we discovered that the solitary “magic elevator” that serviced the broadcast level was very slow. A lot of media members need to get up and down all the time, so despite the fact we had a stadium employee running it, the time it took to finally show up gave Dave and me a reason to make sure we weren’t late getting back to the booth before the game. We wandered around, watched quite a bit of the warmups, saw a bunch of Twin Cities TV personalities we knew by sight, and had some fun. We decided, also, that I’d take the near sideline for the first half, and he’d be on the 49ers side. On kicks and punts, I’d aim at the kickers and he’d be in position to get the sound of the return.
On that stroll, we also realized another thing. US Bank Stadium is so enormous it’s hard to fathom, but the sidelines are actually pretty tight, especially behind the benches. And, there’s another crew that needs full access to that slim area behind the benches. They are the guys running the big vehicle with the scissor-lift on it, and a full-sized camera and its operator on that lift. Mike had already warned us to be very wary of those things. They’re network cameras and they need to reposition quickly when the ball moves up and down the field. It was obvious to us, even during warmups, that we’d probably just have to stand aside and let those guys through. Mike had also told us that the NBC guys would always be in a hurry, and they’d expect to get the best spots. He said, “They’ll be running a lot. We don’t want you guys to run. Just walk quickly and stay out of their way. If you miss a play walking to the other end of the bench, that’s okay. Just be safe.”
We decided to get back up to the booth a little early, keeping the elevator in mind, and then it was time to grab a quick bite in the Media Lounge before heading down to actually do our assigned tasks. We were both excited and a little nervous. Plus, like the scene in “Spinal Tap” when the band leaves the dressing room but then can’t find their way to the stage, US Bank Stadium is a labyrinth of concourses, passageways, stairwells, and doors. Many many doors. Each time we went up or down, we got a little lost. At least until halftime, at which point we felt like veterans of this gig.
After all the pregame intros and that hoopla, we took our positions on opposite sidelines and strapped on our dishes. Dave had done this once before, back in the Metrodome days, but it was my first time ever on a football field for an NFL kickoff. Nervous, excited, thrilled, apprehensive… I was all of the above.
Let me also tell you a little about NFL players. Yeah, they look big and fast on TV. They look big and fast from the seats in the stadium. They are not “big and fast” when you’re standing next to them. They range from very big to gigantic, and from pretty quick to lightning fast. They are really something to behold, actually. And being right next to them, when I was standing at either 30, I really appreciated their professionalism and serious attitudes. I was on the Vikings sideline, and even the camaraderie and support they showed, for their teammates, was pretty inspiring.
And about all the other people on the sidelines. NBC had four sound guys with dishes. So, they didn’t have to run around behind the benches when the ball moved. They also got first choice on where to stand. There were NBC camera operators with handheld minicams, for sideline shots and interviews. There were security guards, with their backs to the field, about every five yards. And, there were a ton of other people with sideline passes, ranging from team physicians to NFL people. The serious looking guy right behind me on the right side of the field was really focused on everything. I finally saw his hard-card credential, and his job was “Uniform Code Enforcement” or something like that. I didn’t want to stare, but it was clear that his job involved making sure all the players had their uniforms on the correct way and weren’t wearing any unapproved brands of equipment. He didn’t look like a guy you’d want to mess with.
On the right side of the bench, I was near all the linemen. On the other end, I was standing near the kickers and punters, and with it still being preseason the Vikings had multiple guys still fighting to win each spot. There were a lot of them. And that net they kick into, to warm up? It was no more than a few feet behind me and when their feet would make contact to the ball it sounded like a gun shot. I kicked a lot when I was in my teens and 20s. None of my kicks ever sounded like that.
During one of the early plays, I discovered two things. 1) We were told to hold the dishes in front of our faces and look through them. Good plan. Except the dishes have been through some battles and they’re a bit hard to see through. 2) When a play came toward me, at full speed, being able to see a little better would’ve helped, and the advice to move laterally to get out of the way was also a good idea, but one that really couldn’t happen. Standing at the 30, I had Vikings linemen to my left, the NBC dish guy right on my elbow, a security guy to my right, two guys holding the yard and down markers right in front of me, and various others all around. And a running play came right at me. Have you been in the ocean when the waves are pretty big and they pretty much pick you up and take you wherever they want to go? It was kind of like that. A wave of humans engulfed me and I just skittered across the turf with them, mostly backward. I didn’t have much say in the matter. The guys holding the sticks are told to drop them immediately when players approach, for everyone’s safety. One of them threw his to the ground. Right on my ankle. That stung a little, but I somehow avoided contact with any monstrous players. I’ll call it a win.
At the half, which actually comes pretty fast when you’re on the field, Dave and I put our dishes down but immediately made up our minds that going up to the Media Lounge or the booth was out of the question. We couldn’t risk having the elevator make us late. We also decided not to switch sides for the second half. We’d both spent the first half figuring out the best way to operate on the sidelines we were on, so it was best just to stick with it. To that point, I’d avoided being run over by the scissor-lift truck, the NBC minicam guy and his minions only tripped me up once with their cords (when the cord guy snapped his to avoid a knot and it lassoed my ankle for a split second, although I escaped catastrophe on that one) and no linebackers flattened me. Actually, though, we both felt about 100 percent more confident in what we were doing after two quarters, so staying put made the most sense.
We strapped our dishes on and put on our headsets, ready to go. On our headsets, we could hear the KNBR guys doing the play-by-play and could also hear Mike as he talked to them and got them back on the air after every commercial. Had we been disappointing them or doing our jobs wrong, they could talk to us and get us straightened out, but we had no way to talk to them. Throughout the first half, no one ever spoke to us. I was actually a little worried that I had the headset radio turned to the wrong setting.
The second half was more of the same, and we both had it fairly well figured out by then. At one point, NBC’s Michelle Tafoya interviewed starting quarterback Sam Bradford right behind me. I didn’t want to turn around and be a fan by pointing my phone at them, so I sneaked a custom selfie-style shot without me in it. To the world, it looked like I was shooting a pic of the field. But I got the shot. And yeah, even Sam Bradford the QB is a very big boy.
To cap off a very fun game, the Vikings third-string guys actually put a rally together in the last few minutes, then scored a touchdown to get within one point with no time remaining. So, of course, they went for the two-point conversion, right in front of us. The QB wanted to pass but no one was open, so he sprinted for the pylon in the corner of the end zone, on the far side. Dave was positioned right there.
When the QB dove for the conversion, and the Vikings won the game, the entire team (both the guys on the field and the full bench) sprinted to congratulate him and celebrate, and Dave was nearly consumed by that tsunami of huge humanity. The scissor-lift truck on his side was right behind him, and one of those guys yelled, “Get on here” at him. That pretty much kept him from being crushed.
We took our time, and then headed back up to the booth. I asked Mike how we’d done and he said, “I guess great. Did anyone call down to you or tell you what to do better?” I said we never heard a word from anyone, and he replied, “Well, then you did great. Can’t do any better than that.” Kudos to us. We were the best sideline sound guys KNBR Radio had at US Bank Stadium that night.
After being on our feet for more than three hours, it felt good just to sit down for a bit. Then, once Mike and his guys were all packed up, we helped them wheel their big rolling cases full of all their equipment down to the loading dock. The 49ers had two big trucks waiting, and we rolled the four-foot tall heavy radio boxes onto the lift gate. Then, we got to see how an NFL team travels. The Niners had three big buses waiting, and TSA was there to handle everything right there in the concrete bowels of US Bank Stadium. The players and personnel went through security, and got on a bus. From there, they’d head straight to MSP airport but would never go through the terminal. The buses would enter a secure area next to the charter jet, and they’d get right on. It’s not a bad way to travel. They got back to the Bay Area around 2:00 a.m. or thereabouts.
So, that was my fun Sunday night. Dave and I had a ball. And, before he got on the bus Mike informed us that the 49ers would be coming back to Minneapolis next year, as well, but that will be a regular season game. We are already committed and confirmed to be KNBR’s sideline mic guys for that one. Can’t wait!
On a different subject, this has been a big week for me as an author. Amazon direct-deposited a few hundred dollars in my business account, representing my royalties for Kindle digital sales in the U.S., Canada, the UK, and Australia. So, technically, that was the first income I ever earned as an author. The next day, an actual check from Outskirts Press showed up in the mailbox. I deposited all $1,410.18 of it in my business account, but not before I made a copy of it. After visiting the bank, I went to Office Max and bought a frame. My first royalty check is now on display just to the right of me, as I sit at my desk.
I’m not kidding when I tell you how much that check meant to me. The money (it’s real, although it’s not like I can pay off the mortgage with it) isn’t the issue. It’s the fact this check exists. At the end of 2015 I made the drastic move to quit working for Team Wilkerson and instead write a book. More than 100 people generously backed me on Kickstarter so that I could then afford to publish whatever it was I was going to write. A year and a half later, it was done and on the market. That check represented my royalties, the net sum after Amazon and Outskirts took their percentages from the gross sales price, for a book I’d vowed to do, and then went ahead and did. I’ve been paid plenty of times for writing press releases and feature stories. I’d never before deposited a check for having written a book that people bought. This check is for the last week of May and the month of June. And through July and August, it’s still been selling steadily. I’m damn proud of this. Sometimes it hits me just what I’ve done, and this check was one of those moments of clarity.
Here on the home front, I am pleased to tell you a story you haven’t heard yet, about Boofus and Buster. At least I believe that to be true. With all this writing I’ve been doing, it’s hard to remember exactly what stories I’ve told and which ones I’ve only thought about telling but then never did. Anyway, if I’ve told this before, it bears repeating.
Needless to say, the boyz are not short of toys. They have so many it’s almost impossible to walk through a room and not step on one. They mostly like to play with rigid toy balls they can bat around like little soccer players, or they like us to play with them by dangling the feathers that are attached to sticks. Then there are the green, white, and yellow “mystery balls” they have.
They don’t play with them much, because they’re very soft and don’t go very far when they bat them around. Oh no, they have a totally different approach to these balls.
There are four of them. For weeks at a time, they will disappear. We literally will not see them for weeks, even months. And we’ve never known where they go. This goes all the way back to Liberty Lake, when we first got moved into the house there. The four fuzzy little toy balls disappeared for more than a month. Then, one by one they reappeared.
It’s gotten far more structured now that we’re back home in Woodbury. The four balls go away and we don’t see them. Then, one by one they will be presented to us in a grouping. Boofus is hilarious, because you can hear him doing it. When he carries them in his mouth he makes the funniest meow sound, and he only makes that long drawn-out sound when he’s carrying one. If he’s running a little while doing it, the meow goes up and down as he trots across the floor. At first, we didn’t know what was wrong with him and were worried that he wasn’t feeling well, but then we actually witnessed what he was doing and now, when we hear it, we say, “Bring it over here, Boofie.”
In the last month or so, they have all disappeared and then been presented to us again, three or four times. Once, it was on the landing to the stairs coming down to my office in the lower level. Just one or two a day, until all four balls were there in a tight circle. The next time, the same process played out right in front of Barbara’s office door. All four balls in the course of two days. Then, within another day, they all disappeared again. This time, we’re up to three in the living room. The fourth should show up soon.
It’s pretty clear that these are things they’re “catching” as prey, and then bringing them to us as trophies. Sure beats actual dead mice, that’s for sure. But it’s nothing short of hilarious to watch the whole process play out. And I still have no idea where they hide these things when they disappear. I’ve looked under beds, behind curtains, and everywhere else I can imagine. I’ve never seen one “in captivity” before they bring them all back to us.
So that’s your Boofus and Buster story for this week. They’re crazy and lovable boyz.
I was going to include another fun story that ended up being edited out of the book, but I think this blog is quite long enough after all the tales of football, microphones, elevators, checks, and mastery toy balls. I’ll be sure to include one next week, and I’m keeping a list of new snippets as they occur to me. The list is plenty long enough already.
I guess that’s it for today. Lots of fun tales and big news. And mystery fuzzy toy balls, too. And, you know the drill: If you perused this nonsense and found it enjoyable, please click on the “Like” button at the top.
UPDATE: I’ve been checking a certain website the entire time I’ve been writing this blog. I sent a promotional copy of my book to longtime writer and reporter Jerry Bonkowski, a couple of weeks ago. Last week, he interviewed me at length, on the phone. Today, his story ran as a lead-in to the NHRA U.S. Nationals on a big-time sports website (NBCSports.com) and it’s really fantastic. I’m honored to have a pro like Jerry write a piece about me and the book I’ve created. Big time stuff. Here it is:
New book takes fans on compelling, humorous journey into world of NHRA drag racing
That’s about as cool as it gets. Big thanks to Elon Werner for setting that up and to Jerry Bonkowski for his stellar work.
Bob Wilber, at your service and still not flattened by a linebacker.