Aloha from paradise, once again. Today is Day 10 on Kauai, if you count the original Tuesday when I spent the whole day flying and didn’t get to the condo until 9:00 that night. Today, with a nod to John Cleese, I can write these words: “And now for something completely different.” I guess you’d have to be a Monty Python fan to get that. What’s different? I’m attempting to write this blog on my iPad. So, if this effort is successful, this is apt to be pretty short. If it’s not, it will be because my patience ran out and I quit trying.

I’m a pretty fast typist on a real keyboard. You’d almost have to be after so many years of so much writing. On the iPad or my iPhone, I can serviceably tap out short messages or even an email, if I have to. Trying to write a full blog, though, is already proving difficult. It’s as if you must regress to about 8th grade, before you took typing classes in high school. There’s no way to use the on-screen iPad keyboard like a real keyboard because you can’t feel anything. So you’re back in the days of “hunt and peck” with one or two fingers. Not fun.

Why am I doing this? Well, I kept track of the Winternationals faithfully, following along with NHRA All-Access, and when two guys named Worsham and Wilkerson squared off in round one, and my previous employer defeated my newly reunited team and driver, I wrote my post-event report. I never send them out until the race is over, though, out of habit. Way back in the day, when we were first starting to do a lot of PR work via email, we all learned the hard way that sending out a post-event wrap up before the race was over was not popular among many followers. Even if they didn’t read it, its mere appearance in their In-Box indicated we’d lost. They didn’t want to know.

We’re on “live” TV a lot now, including last Sunday, so spoilers really don’t exist anymore, but old habits die hard both on the sending end and the receiving end. As round after round went off, I’d follow along with my report safely tucked away in a draft folder. Right after the semifinals, I was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter with my hands on the laptop, when I felt an electrical “zing” go through me. It was strong enough for me to utter “Whoa” out loud. And then my screen went haywire. Some things grew in size, others disappeared, icons were floating around, and no I wasn’t on drugs. It was nuts. When I tried to move the cursor with the trackpad, it wouldn’t cooperate. It was like my computer didn’t recognize my finger on the pad. I could swipe 20 times before the cursor would move, but then it would jump all the way to the other side of the screen before it would float back up to the top. And I had less than an hour to figure out how to get my report sent out.

I shut it down. I restarted it. I tried every trick I could dream up. I finally got the cursor over the Mail icon at the bottom of the screen and got it open. 20 minutes later, after trying nonstop to move the cursor to the Drafts folder, I got that open. 20 more minutes later, I managed to get the little arrow to land on my report, and got it open. The race was over by this point, and I was getting desperate in a panic-mode sort of way. Time and again, I couldn’t get the cursor on the little icon that sends the mail. When it finally landed there, by pure chance and of its own volition, I hit it immediately, and it went off into cyberspace.

After trying all that, I shut the laptop down and left it alone for 24 hours. When I fired it up again on Monday, it seemed to have fixed itself. But, after about 15 minutes, it started acting up again. This morning, I started it up again and it seemed fine, but I don’t want to risk writing 99% of this blog and then have it zonk out on me, so iPad here we go. It has taken me 26 minutes to write this much.

So, you ask, how’s it been living on the island with Maxie and Biscuit, by yourself? Mary left last Thursday night, so it’s been a full week of flying solo. Other than a few days when the winds were whipping or gusting and “stuff” in the air was really sending my allergies through the roof, it’s been idyllic. Maxie was, by far, the more outgoing and friendly of the two since the day I met them. Biscuit can be completely invisible, if that’s what he wants. It was not until early yesterday morning, before sunrise, that I actually got to pet him and rub him on the head. I got up for some water and saw him on one of the living room chairs. I think the fact he was asleep until I came in the room helped keep him calm. He let me pet him and was purring, so that’s a big step.

Each day, I’ve gone for long walks. There’s a popular beach called Kealia, with a parking area just a few miles to the north, and if you start there you can walk quite a distance along a cliffside trail, with the waves crashing onto the rocks just below. You just need to be on alert for bikes coming up on you from behind. I like to walk while listening to music, so I don’t hear them coming. Therefore, I stay as far to the right as I can, but they still startle me every now and then. If you walk as far as Donkey Beach, you’ll hit about 8,000 steps by the time you get back to the car. This photo is a view of Donkey Beach, taken from atop the cliff inside a picnic area. It’s a “pretty nice” beach, if by “pretty nice” you mean incredible.

There’s very limited parking at Donkey, so to get there the vast majority of visitors either walk or bike ride from Kealia, or all the way from Kapaa, the town where Mary’s condo is located. There’s a paved trail almost, but not quite, all the way from the condo. There’s one segment where it’s just a bike lane on the busy road. After that, it’s a dedicated trail all the way up. And it’s quite popular, especially with tourists on their big “cruiser” bikes.

Other days, I’ve walked from the condo over through the Marriott where Barbara and I have always stayed, and then turned left at the beach. You have to cut through some undeveloped land to get over to where the trail starts, but after that it’s a good fun walk and that round trip is good for about 7,500 steps, if you’re counting steps. Well, actually, it’s good for about 7,500 steps even if you’re not counting. Steps are steps.

We’re now at the 1-hour mark doing this on the iPad. Its spell checker and correction program seems to get a bit smarter as I go, but I need a break. I’ll be back in a few…

(Theme music…)

Okay, here we go again. There’s lots of “red mud” on Kauai, whether you’re up on one of the peaks or down by the shore. As dirt or dust, it tends to cling to everything. After it rains (and it rains on Kauai just about every day) it’s pretty slippery. You don’t want to slide off the trail and onto the rocks. I don’t know that from experience, but it’s a pretty easy call to make. So far, I’ve survived.

A few days ago, I was on the trail at just about the spot you see in this photo, and I was keeping an eye out to sea, looking for whales. When I saw one blow, I stopped to get a better look. The big whale was quite a distance out, but when they blow it’s unmistakeable. A couple who were also walking stopped and asked if I’d seen one, and the three of us stood there talking for 20 minutes at least. For the record, they were from Kalamazoo, Michigan and really nice folks. During that time, we saw lots of tail fins slapping, and one whale did the full breach and flip move. It looked like the splash was 30 feet high. There’s nothing more magical than that. Just seeing them blow, and knowing they’re out there, is fascinating. Whales are fascinating, period. They should be heading back to Alaska very soon, so having seen so many was a real treat.

It would be really easy to go out for every meal, and that’s what we typically do when we’re here visiting Mary and Lonnie, but I’ve made it a point to try to limit that to one meal a day, usually breakfast or lunch, even if that means buying a wrap or a sandwich at a deli and then taking that to the beach with me. On Monday I even made the long drive around the southern part of the island, and then up the two-lane road to Kekaha Beach. It’s a beautiful wide and deep beach with rolling surf, but because it’s a long way “up the road” I’ve never been there when there were more than a few dozen people in attendance, including the life guards. It’s kind of amazing to sit at a covered picnic table and feel like you’re at this phenomenal beach all by yourself. And it’s fun to drive up there, if you ask me. You didn’t ask, but you would have if I could hear you, right?

Every time we’ve been here, we go for many long drives in both directions, but I’m always in the backseat with Mary so that Barb can sit in front. I never really thought about that, but I realized I really enjoyed the drive to Kekaha because I could see everything! Total bonus!

Okay, I’m losing my mind with the iPad. One more break…

(Same theme music. Kind of like Final Jeopardy theme music…)

Whew. Okay, let’s get to know Maxie and Biscuit a little better. This is Maxie Boy.

He looks a lot like Buster, but he acts a lot more like Boofus. And, his Boofie antics are actually quite a bit more manic than Boof’s, although let’s be fair and realize Boofus and Buster are closing in on 11 years old now. They still go nuts regularly, but they tend to sleep the days away.

Maxie is the type who is generally near me when he’s not sleeping. He doesn’t sit on my lap yet, and neither one of them have slept with me, but if I’m in the living room he’s generally within sight. If I go to the bedroom, he’s right behind me. He loves to be rubbed, especially on the head and chin, but he (so far) doesn’t like to be picked up and held. He’ll let me do it, but he squirms until I put him down. He’s kind of vocal, but his voice is a lot more squeaky than Boofie or Buster, who both have very distinct voices, making lots of different sounds. Like Boofie, he’s a climber too.

Maxie wants to be at the highest point of anything he can climb. He also is totally fascinated with water and doesn’t seem to be afraid of it at all. Mary told me that he always stays in the bathroom while she’s taking a shower, and has been known to stand in the shower with her. I found that hard to believe. The shower here is all tile with no door, just a four inch edge to step over and a cloth curtain. I have yet to take a shower without Maxie being in the room, and he will indeed poke his head around the curtain and put his front paws in the water. Then, he just relaxes on the bath mat until I’m done, catching a little mist as if floats out of the shower. Kitchen sink? Oh yes. He’ll stick his whole head under the faucet. He’s a funny cat. And a sweet boy, too.

Biscuit was so invisible the first three days I was here alone I was actually worried about him. He’s the stealthiest cat I’ve ever known, although both these guys are aided by the fact they don’t wear collars. We can hear Boofus and Buster coming, because their collars have bells.

I can watch Biscuit go to the sliding door and look out, and then one second later he’s gone and I never saw him leave the room. An hour later, I’ll walk by the bedroom and only see Maxie, but then a minute later I’ll walk by going the other direction and Biscuit will be on the chair like he’s been there all day. He kind of mocks me with his look. “Now you see me, now you don’t, huh pal?”

Yesterday, after our pre-dawn petting session, he really relaxed. He was sleeping on my Twins windbreaker later in the day. So, it’s a big deal that he even lets me touch him now, but it’s obvious that he’s still a very skittish kitty. He’s always aware of his escape routes because he doesn’t like to be cornered. I can’t even imagine him letting me pick him up. When I can keep him calm, and rub his nose and ears, he seems to love it, and will knead his front paws instantly.

They’re both good sweet cats. They’ve let me be more and more of a roommate as the week has passed, and they’re really good at teaching me what they want and how they want interact. In other words, they’re training me well. I’m a quick learner. For the last four nights we’ve all sat in the living room watching the Olympics, and everyone seems a lot more relaxed. Including me.

All right, I’m proud of being able to do this on the iPad, but I don’t expect to ever do the blog this way again. What a marathon. I’m here until Sunday afternoon, when I take the Hawaiian Airlines island-hopper flight over to Honolulu. Then I’ll catch the big Delta jet for the nonstop to MSP. Same flight Barbara and I were on heading home after Christmas. It departs at 6:00 p.m. and arrives in Minneapolis at 5:30 a.m. the next morning. It’s a long dark flight, but I’ll be up front with a lay-flat seat so there’s that. Then, I’ll have four days to get fully adjusted back to Central Time before I fly to Phoenix for the race, and my first day “back on the job” with the Worshams. Almost a little nervous!

I’ll be back next Thursday, with either a new laptop or the old one if it’s working again. I’m going to fire it up again and let it run as soon as I post this. We’ll see how it’s doing. Maybe it’s all magically fixed again.

As always, if you just finished reading this and you enjoyed it, please “Like” it by clicking the button at the top. And may you never attempt to write a 2,500 word blog without a real keyboard.

Bob Wilber, at your service and reporting to you “live” from paradise.