“Put a bow on it.” That’s a cliche’ about finishing something and calling it done. Another variation is “Stick a fork in it” but that has kind of a negative connotation. If you’re in the dugout and are riding the opposing pitcher to rattle him, you might yell “Stick a fork in him. He’s done!” But when something important comes to a conclusion, you put a bow on it to celebrate the accomplishment.

In terms of the 2016 NHRA Mello Yello Drag Racing season, we put a bow on it this past weekend in Pomona. I say “we” because it’s still “us” to me, even though this was the surreal year I stayed associated to the sport without being officially involved in it.

As for “Bats, Balls, & Burnouts” I can’t yet put a bow on it, but I’m busily selected the color, the fabric, and the width. We’re that close. But, let’s start with Pomona.

Barbara met me there, and in an odd twist of fate we managed to do that at LAX instead of at the hotel. She’d been in meetings in Pasadena, with her CEO, and he needed to get to LAX for a flight around 2:00 p.m. They had a car service driving them around, and the original plan was for the driver to drop the CEO off at the airport and then drive Barbara out to the Sheraton by the track. Earlier in the day, though, Barb texted me asking for my specific flight times. All along, I thought I was on a 1:30 flight that got in around 4:30, but the day before I was was surprised to get a text from Delta, asking me to check-in for my flight, at 11:30 in the morning.

I have no idea how I had that mentally screwed up, but stranger things have happened. So, it turned out that I’d be landing just about the time the car would be dropping Barb’s CEO at LAX, if my flight was on time. It was indeed, despite the fact we left almost 25 minutes late out of MSP. The reason for the delay was a total lack of headwinds, which you generally encounter when flying west. With no headwind to fight, we’d lop at least 20 minutes off the flight time, and at LAX Delta doesn’t have any extra gates. They needed us to wait in Minneapolis so that a gate would be open when we got to L.A.

We landed, I got my bag, and I went to the drop-off zone on the upper level. That way, the driver didn’t have to take Barbara out to Pomona, and she could go with me to get the rental car. To make it even easier, he pulled up next to the curb and I hopped in, rather than have Barbara hop out. He drove us over to National Rental Car himself, so we didn’t have to wait for the bus.

And then we battled L.A. traffic for almost two hours. It was horrible. And very stressful as people dodged into and out of lanes as if they owned the place. “I’m coming in, so look out! This is my road!”

I totally get living out there, especially near the beach or the mountains, but if I had to commute in that freeway traffic I’d explode. Or spontaneously combust. Whatever the outcome, it wouldn’t be pretty.

On the way out to Pomona, in that famous bumper to bumper traffic, we decided to get our In-N-Out fix out of the way that night. We checked in, dropped our bags, and drove up to Foothill Blvd. by passing the track. Did it feel weird to drive by the track but not go in? Simple answer: Yes. Very weird.

We did the drive-thru to get our burgers and then saw one of the picnic tables empty at that particular In-N-Out, which doesn’t have a dining room. So we plopped down there and within seconds heard the first Top Fuel cars make a run. From about two miles away. We just looked at each other and said, “Wow.”

We also made up our minds that we were weren’t going to the track on Saturday, either. We both really needed a “mental health vacation day” in the worst way, so we decided to go to the “Happiest Place On Earth.” We’d be going to Disneyland. On a gorgeous Saturday. As you might imagine, a few other people had the same thought.

Traffic was, again, just awful. Where do all these people need to go on a Saturday? Seriously.

We parked about a mile from the entrance, which has all been redesigned since the last time I was at Disneyland. They have shuttle buses running nonstop but we were so tired of sitting on planes and in cars, we decided to walk the mile or so to buy our tickets. And then we stood in line to do that. And then we stood in line to get into the California Adventure park, across from the Magic Kingdom. And it was wall-to-wall humanity.

It was clear when we got there, around 12 noon, that we could spend much of the day at the California Adventure and in Disneyland itself, and not get much done, but we took advantage of the Fast Pass option to make it go more smoothly. With that, you go to a kiosk and get a pass that allows you to skip most of the lines, but only during a pre-set one hour window later in the day. We definitely wanted to ride the California Screamin’ roller coaster, which truly looked bad to the bone, and we wanted to do the whitewater raft ride, so we got some Fast Pass tickets and then went to the giant ferris wheel, which looked like a nice sedate way to kill some time waiting for the thrill rides.

When we got in line, which was “only” about 40 minutes, we saw the fork in the maze where you had to pick either a non-swinging gondola, or a swinging one. Well, what’s the fun in a non-swinging gondola? We went for the gusto.

When we were finally on the ride, with two parents and their teen daughter, we were all smiles. And then the huge wheel began to rotate. As we got up to about 9 o’clock, we discovered how the swinging gondolas work. They don’t just swing, they roll on long tracks and swing at the same time. When we did that for the first time, feeling like we were falling and almost upside down, all five of us were basically petrified. We hadn’t expected such a huge rapid swing. We got used to it, and discovered it only happened in the extreme like that a few times per lap, but none of us were thrilled when we discovered the ride was two orbits long. For something so benign as a ferris wheel, that was pretty intense the first few times it happened. It felt like we were falling off the ride!

Once we escaped from the ferris wheel, it was time to get on the raft ride. On the way, we picked up Fast Pass tickets for California Screamin’ and watched it run a few times. I don’t like loops on roller coasters, I’m more of an old-school wooden coaster guy. This one had a loop, but watching it I could see it was so tight it would be over in a second. The dad on the ferris wheel had confirmed that, saying “It happens so fast you hardly notice it, but the g-forces are pretty intense.”

As we boarded the raft ride, Barbara asked the lady taking our Fast Pass tickets if there was any particular place to sit in the raft to avoid getting wet. The woman smiled and said, “There’s one way to avoid getting wet, and that’s to not get on the ride. You’re either going to get pretty wet, or totally soaked.” What the heck, it was a hot sunny day. We wouldn’t melt.

We got completely an utterly soaked, as did the family that shared the raft with us. Whether it was rapids splashing over us, or waves pouring in, or even the geysers that shot 25 feet in the air before coming back down to drench us, we basically looked like we fell in the water. But it was ever so much fun. What a riot.

When we got on the coaster, that was the final piece in the process of drying off. It was a little scary, but once we were in line it was like “Well, we’re here, so we’re doing it.”

It starts off with a drag racing style start, going from zero to about 60 mph in just five seconds. Then, it’s huge hills, steep drops, tight lateral compression turns, and that dastardly loop. It’s a GREAT ride. I’d do it again a hundred times. And it’s fast. Very fast. It’s also the longest coaster in the world that contains a loop. And yes, it happened so quick all I noticed was that my chin hit my chest.

We strolled around a little more, and then decided to head over to the main park to hit a few old favorites. Our wish list was Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted House, and maybe Space Mountain. And we had a 4:20 reservation for dinner.

The fact a huge Christmas parade was going on just as we walked in didn’t help our plan. It was so crowded we could barely get through, but we’d made up our minds to try Space Mountain first. When we passed the Star Wars 3-D ride, and the regular lines were only 30 minutes, we made the call. We figured Space Mountain would be a letdown after the big coaster, and 3-D rides are always cool.

With C3P0 as our captain, we launched in our space ship. We were not prepared for how rockin’ and rollin’ it was going to be, but the 3-D effects were awesome.

Did I mention the entire theme park was packed? It was so crowded it was exhausting. But, we got on Pirates after a 45 minute trudge through a nearly endless maze and that made the world a better place. It’s one of my favorite rides since the first time I stepped foot in Disney. It never gets old, and we only got a little wet.

We enjoyed a great dinner, and walked around a bit more, before taking the bus back over to the car around 6:30. We were tired, but refreshed at the same time. We knew we’d made the right call to hit Disney, despite the crowds. We needed that.

On Sunday morning, we headed for the track around 9:45. I knew pre-race driver introductions would be the best place to see as many of my peeps as possible, in one place, and that worked like a charm. PR people, National Dragster folks, and drivers all packed into one small space.

Then we saw Connie Worsham, and Kate and Maddy. Del’s sister Susan and her new baby Lily couldn’t be far away. Seconds later, our wonderful friend Susan appeared with the sweetest little girl you could ever meet. What a doll. And she seemed to be truly enjoying her first drag race, or at least her first one out of the womb.

And as for Kate and Maddy, my gosh. They’re young women. Wasn’t it just yesterday when they were born? At least just a couple of days since they were little kids. It’s a good thing I haven’t aged over this same period of time. Oh yeah. Never mind.

We spent a great deal of time with Susan and Lily, along with Susan’s longtime friend Jennifer, who we’ve known since the very early days of the CSK era. It was great fun, and we stood in the shade of the grandstand to watch the first round.

It never fails to startle me when I watch the fuel cars run from the top end. We were very near the finish line for this, and I walked out to the fence to see Tim run. When he went screaming by me at 325 mph, it took my breath away. The sensation at the starting line is mostly about concussion and volume. The car just seems to get really small, really fast. At the finish line, it’s all about mind-blowing speed.

After the run (Tim won over Del, in round one) I went up into the lounge and gave him a fist bump, and then said, “Dude, I always forget how fast it looks at the finish line. That’s incredible.”

He smiled and said, “I tell everyone to do that at least once. Your brain can’t process what 325 mph looks like. It’s pretty stunning, isn’t it?”

Yes, it is.

We hung around until the semifinals were over, and then headed back to the hotel. An hour or so later, we enjoyed a nice Mexican dinner up on Foothill and then relaxed. We still had a busy Monday ahead of us.

Originally, we were going to visit Catalina Island for a few days, but when work got in the way of that we changed our flights. Barbara booked a night flight on Monday, around 9:00 pm, from LAX to Spokane. I had a room at the LAX Hilton and had planned on taking a noon flight on Tuesday. But, we both thought it would be better for me to get home to check on Boofus and Buster. I got on a 3:15 flight on Monday afternoon.

But, to make it more complicated (because our lives aren’t complicated enough) Barbara still needed my hotel room. She had a class to teach from 4:00 to 6:00 and needed a private (quiet) place, with good WiFi, to do that. So, in a bit of reverse engineering, she dropped me at LAX and then went and checked into the room. After class was over, she checked back out. She said the desk clerk looked worried when she did that, saying, “Oh my, was there something wrong with the room?”

She explained how it was all fine and just a matter of necessity, but they were kind enough to wave the $20 valet parking charge for her. Now, it’s Thursday and she’ll be flying home tonight, getting to the house around midnight via taxi. The lives we lead…

And now to the other life I lead, as a writer.

The book is so close to being shipped off to the publisher it’s scary. But there’s still more work to do.

This week, I let Greg concentrate on his real job and I restarted my mission of seeing just how many words, paragraphs, and pages I could cut out without losing the quality we’ve both been striving so hard to produce. Sitting down over the last two weeks, I’ve gone through every page. That 845-page total will scare you into doing that.

When I finished up today, I did the math and we’re down to around 750. If we can trim a bit more, and find a way to get more words on each page, we can get this thing down to near 700, but I now have my head wrapped around the fact that the book is going to be hefty. If it has to be 710 pages, then that’s what it is. I’d rather have the quantity if it means not losing the quality.

It was a pretty neat experience doing this editing, as well. After more than 10 months of writing, it was the first time I purposefully read the whole thing, front to back. So, it was fun to see that it really does feel, look, and read just like a book! How ’bout that!

It was real work, though, and pretty exhausting. I wasn’t just reading it, I was analyzing every paragraph, and in some cases every word. Generally, I was able to lop off at least one or two pages per chapter, and by condensing those early ones I got the total close to 100 pages. I feel pretty good about that.

Greg is going to do that same thing with all of this, as well. He’ll be looking more for style and flow, to make sure it all sounds the same and is in the same “voice” from chapter to chapter. That’s a real thing to think about because I’ve evolved quite a lot as a writer during the year, and the book shifts from my childhood and school years, to pro baseball, the business world, indoor soccer, and then finally to drag racing. All of those things have a different flow to them. The baseball and drag racing parts are particularly reliant upon statistics, because numbers are what hold those sports together. Many of the other parts are more whimsically about stories and characters.

It’s going to be important for us to take a close look at all of that. I’m over worrying about when the book will be done. I was focused on that for months, but now it’s just going to have to be done when it gets done. I want it to be the best it can be.

And here’s a little teaser…

We plan to have endorsement “blurbs” on the back cover, from well-known people who have enjoyed the draft copies we’ve been sharing. To say I’m pleased with the reaction would be a gross understatement. I won’t spoil the fun, so you’ll have to wait to see it for yourselves, but some of these are names you won’t just recognize because you’re a fan of a certain sport. A few of them are household names in a much bigger way, and their reactions to what they’ve read have been very heartwarming. Even a little stunning. One of them is so well known and highly thought of Barbara was stunned when he called me on the phone. “Wait, you just talked to….?” Yes I did.

So this thing I’ve done is a book. A few highly respected and influential people have read parts or most of it. And they like it. Amazing…

I’m still shaking my head.

Oh…  And next week’s blog day is also a little thing we call Thanksgiving. Barbara and I are going to spend it in Orlando, with her sister Kitty, her nephew Todd, his wife Angie, and their adorable baby girls Arabella and Anastasia. So, with that in mind, I think we’ll take next week off, if that’s okay with you.

See you in two weeks. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, or just a wonderful week if you’re outside the USA.

Bob Wilber, at your service and slacking off for a week. 🙂